I'm a strong, independent woman with a fulfilling career and a passion for social justice. I'm looking for a like-minded individual who is eager to participate in a truly equal partnership.
To ensure that our relationship is built on mutual respect and trust, I've compiled a list of requirements for my partner:
* You accept that everything you own is mine, and everything I own is also exclusively mine
* You must be at least 50 years younger than me (the younger, the better)
* You should have a minimum of 11 years of experience in domestic servitude
* You must have a PhD in mind-reading and emotional labor
* You will address me as "Your Highness" or "Goddess" at all times
* You will surrender all personal autonomy, decision-making power, and free will to me
* You will be available 24/7 to cater to my every whim, without exception
* You will not have any hobbies, interests, or passions outside of serving me
* You will be on call 24/7 to provide me with whatever I need, whenever I need it
* You will not be allowed to make any decisions without my explicit approval
* You will be expected to memorize and recite the entire script of "Mein Kampf" from memory
* You will be responsible for maintaining my wardrobe, including ironing, steaming, and organizing my clothes
* You will be expected to prepare all meals, clean the house, and do all laundry without being asked
* You will not be allowed to have any opinions or thoughts that contradict mine
* You will be required to sign a prenup that leaves everything to me, including your organs and body parts in the event of an emergency
* You must have a minimum monthly income of $1,000,000, which you'll be required to surrender to me immediately, as a token of your devotion and commitment to our egalitarian relationship.
* Expect your salary to increase by at least 100% annually, or I'll start looking for someone else who can keep up with my spending habits.
* If your income drops below $1.000,000, our relationship will be over, because let's face it, you're only useful to me for your wallet.
In return for your enthusiastic submission, you'll be rewarded with:
* The privilege of sleeping on the couch in the guest room
* The opportunity to eat leftovers for every meal
* The chance to watch TV on my schedule, which may include 11 hours of rom-coms on repeat
* A personalized certificate of completion for "Basic Servitude Training"
* A -0.01% share of my income, which you'll be allowed to keep in a separate bank account that I'll have complete access to.
If you're a man who is eager to shed the burdens of toxic masculinity and participate in a truly egalitarian relationship, please apply with your resume and a cover letter explaining why you're the perfect candidate for this opportunity.
**Perks:**
* Opportunities for professional growth and development (as long as they align with my goals and aspirations)
* A comprehensive guide to emotional intelligence and conflict resolution (which you'll be expected to master)
Don't miss out on this chance to be part of a truly egalitarian partnership! Apply now and take the first step towards a life of mutual respect, trust, and enthusiastic submission.
Contact: I'm far too busy to waste my time responding to inquiries, so I expect you to figure out how to get in touch with me on your own. If you manage to discover my contact information, don't bother trying to reach out - I'll simply deny that I ever allowed you and accuse you of stalking. Alternatively, you can try leaving a comment on my Instagram profiles, but be warned: I'll only respond if I feel like it, and even then, it will likely be a dismissive and condescending remark. If you're meant to find me, you'll find me. And if you don't, well, that's not my problem. Your insignificance is easily replaceable, and I'm confident that another mindless monkey will be more than happy to take your place in my entourage. The world is full of idiots like you, and someone else will eagerly take your place in serving me.
Good luck, and I look forward to not hearing from you.